Well it's been a mighty long time since my last entry. I'm not sure if anyone still subscribes to my blog or will ever see this, but I felt it was time to try to come back and share some things.
It's bittersweet to see my last post, which was in April and featured a photo of my Katie pooch. She seemed to just be old and slow but with several years left in her. On June 1, she passed away suddenly and I was left in shock with a hole in my heart. She would have been 15 years old last month. And she was smiling, wagging and bounding about, up until her very last day.
She had been having some issues in the few weeks leading up to her last days, some strange bouts of lethargy and stiffness. I had originally thought it had to do with some new treats I fed her, so I cut those out of her diet. She would return to normal and then a few days later, show the same signs. After a week of worry, I took her to the vet and started some testing.
After some x-rays, they found a mass in her belly that was rather large. If it was cancer, they said she would be too old for the operation and I might have to let her go. I was worried but I tried to hope for the best. I scheduled the ultrasound for the following Monday, it was a Friday when I first got the results. The Sunday morning before her test, I went to wake her up and saw she hadn't moved all night, she was having a hard time breathing and couldn't focus. She was heavily stressed.
With Greg's help, I carried her to the car and rushed her to the ER. I told them "Do whatever you need to do to save her". But then her heart stopped, and a few minutes later the doctor said, even if they brought her back, he couldn't promise she would make it out. I knew she just wanted to let go.
They let me go into the surgery room and hold her and pet her as they took her off life support. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I lost my best friend and companion. My sweet girl that I'd had since she was just 9 weeks old. She was the best dog with her mild temper and her warm heart.
I'm sad we didn't get to try to fight the cancer that took her. And I'm sad she's not with me anymore. Her room, my craft room, is empty and lonely without her. But I know she had a good life and she was a very happy girl.
Had I known I wouldn't have much more time with her, she would have been enjoying steak and potato dinners every night. Followed up with her favorite desserts: red licorice, vanilla ice cream and marshmallows.
It's been very hard to move on and not be sad every time I think of her. I definitely became depressed and didn't want to do much of anything for a while. It took several months for me to stop remembering the last moments I saw her, and to think of her has a happy girl, not sick and dying. Luckily, my work life is stressful and demanding so it allows for me to not sit and dwell. I'm creating a space for her in our old room, a wall for her photos and small mementos. She will live forever in my heart.
Rest in peace, my Katie girl. Sweet nugget. Pumpkin head. xoxo
P.S. I am going to attempt to start blogging again. I have garden updates I want to share. And now that I've reorganized my craft room, I hope to have some new projects to share. I have had my Etsy shops offline since all of this happened and I'm hoping to start that back up again, too. I just needed some time to grieve. And now that I can be in this room without feeling overwhelmed by sadness, I think it's a good time to start. Thank you for reading :)